Testimony: I Almost Gave Up

Setting: Working on my thesis and getting frustrated over some of the analysis. While pondering on why something in my data was just not adding up, Yolanda Adam's station on Pandora began to play "I Almost Let Go" by Kurt Carr Singers. I immediately stopped what I was doing. Tears started to flow down my face. My voice was lifted to sing the words to the song. After the song ended, I felt compelled to write this post to share one of my testimonies in hope of helping some soul out there who thinks that there is no way out of whatever difficult dark situation life throws at him or her.

Every time I hear Kurt Carr's I Almost Let Go on Pandora, tears flow from my eyes. Every single word, every single line has been reflected in my life at some point or another for the past several years and even still now. So many times I have felt like I couldn't go on, that my mistakes, shortcomings, and downfalls were too much for me bounce back from. On a few occasions, I just wanted to isolate myself from everyone and everything-school, family, church, fiance (at the time boyfriend), and life period.  I felt defeated in life because of guilt, worry, shame, and fear.

See the problem was, I was depending on my own strength (and lack of) to get me through my low points.  As time proved over and over AND OVER again, my troubles were just too heavy for me to bear on my own. I just kept falling each time I tried to do things my way and then I thought I have exhausted all my options to be delivered out of my valley within the valley.  This was (and still is) what the devil wanted me to badly believe...that I was worthless to be delivered.  The devil had my so blinded by my situations around me that I almost lost sight of God's promises and love for me and how much greater my God is over the devil. One of the many tricks and wiles in the devil's hat.

What we some times forget in the midst of turmoil is that the devil is so jealous of God's children. The devil works SO hard to bring us not only down but OUT (of life) because he does not want to see one of God's children receive the greatness of His power. The devil knows that with God's power within us, he cannot stand a chance no matter how hard he tries and *seems* to almost win. With God, we are already victorious against the devil and we are not just conquerors but MORE than conquerors. 

Looking back on what all I have been through over the recent years, I cannot help but praise God for keeping me during my dark hours when I failed to see Him and trust Him in His Word.  He did not keep me because I was so good (because I am not) but because He promised to never forsake me and because of His everlasting love for me. If that is not GRACE and MERCY, then I do not know what is. Now I know that God has my back in every situation as long as I come to Him for strength and not rely on my own weak means to get me through my storms. Take that devil! POW! :)

Here are the lyrics to the song I found from Google. Here is a YouTube video of the song.

I almost let go.
I felt like I just couldn't take life anymore.
My problems had me bound
Depression weighed me down.
But God held me close, so I wouldn't let go.
God's mercy kept me, so I wouldn't let go.

I almost gave up.
I was right at the edge of a breakthrough but couldn't see it
The devil really had me;
but Jesus came and grabbed me,
And He held me close,
So I wouldn't let go.
God's mercy kept me,
so I wouldn't let go.

So I'm here today because God kept me.
I'm alive today,
only because of His grace.
Oh, He Kept me,
God Kept me,
He kept me,
So I wouldn't let go.

Lead
I almost Let go.
I felt like I just couldn't take life any more,
My problems had me bound,
depression weighed me down,
God held me close
So I wouldn't let go.
God's mercy kept me,
so I wouldn't let go.

So I'm here today because God kept me.
I'm alive today, only because of His grace.
Oh, He Kept me, God Kept me, He kept me, So I wouldn't let go